I came across this quote the other day:

“Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting.”

It’s attributed to Brian Tracy, a Canadian-American motivational public speaker and self-development author. It struck a chord with me.

It’s basically saying, “don’t keep score”. I think it’s a mantra worth subscribing to. It would definitely help avoid a conversation that is repeated almost every Christmas. “Are we exchanging gifts this year?”

I don’t want anyone to give me anything out of a feeling of obligation or because I’ve gifted them or because a holiday says they should. “So-and-so got me such-and-such last Christmas so I really should get them something this year.” Or “I gave so-and-so such-and-such last Christmas and they didn’t get me anything. I’m going to wait to see if they get me something first before I give them another gift.” I can’t operate like that. For one thing, it takes far too much energy that I’m not willing to invest. And it turns me into a person I don’t think I’d like very much; someone who is keeping score.

When I give a gift it’s because I want to, not because I feel I should. To me, a gift given out of love or caring carries so much more meaning than one given out of obligation. And if I end up with nothing under the tree, I really am fine with that.

Perhaps it’s an age thing

I haven’t always felt this way. When I was younger and just getting started and didn’t know if I’d have enough money left from my paycheque to feed myself, I absolutely welcomed gifts of essential items like towels and pans and dishes and clothing, and not-so-essential items like cross-country skis and jewellery. But I’ve grown up. I’ve matured. I’m more aware of how our choices are affecting our planet. I’m more aware of what is really important. Hint: it ain’t stuff.

Oh, how we love our stuff. We buy houses far too large for our needs and fill every nook and cranny. I’m guilty of this. While I’m now starting to think about downsizing, for many years I’ve lived in my 1.5 storey, three-bedroom home, for the most part, on my own. I don’t need all this space. I don’t need all the stuff I’ve purchased over the years to fill that space. We cram our closets so full, it’s almost like an episode of the Flintstones where everything comes falling out when you open the door. We build our closets bigger, so big that they become rooms unto themselves.   

When is enough, enough?

I’m now at a point in my life where I am telling friends and family – please don’t get me gifts for my birthday or at Christmas. I have enough trappings of success. My cup runneth over. If there’s something I really need I’m in a fortunate enough position to be able to go get it (within reason of course. I mean, it’s not like I could run out and buy a yacht; not that I want a yacht.).

I know and realize that people’s intentions are the best and their hearts are in the right place but, to be honest, I receive a lot of gifts that I can’t use so they end up being regifted. I know some will think that sounds ungrateful but hear me out.

I am VERY appreciative when someone puts thought into getting me something they truly believe I will enjoy, or if they’ve gone the extra step and created something with their own hands. I have received some amazing gifts over the years – most recently a stunning painting and elephant necklace from my mom. She knocked it out of the park this past Christmas. Homemade cheese boards and a mirror handcrafted with 100-year-old wood trim taken from my home have also been winners.

Your presence is enough

But if it’s something purchased out of obligation, I’d much prefer people save their money. Or, put it towards something that we could do together; a memory-making event or outing. A movie, art exhibit, concert, play, the zoo, the spa, lunch/dinner, a picnic and a hike etc., etc. I embrace simplicity so it doesn’t have to be fancy or over the top. Depending on the event, tickets can get expensive, so tell me I need to contribute. I’m fine with that. I treasure a person’s company much more than any little trinket that I’m going to have to dust.

Gift givers in the past have said that I’m ruining the joy they get in watching me open what they have so painstakingly wrapped. I get that. I really enjoy the anticipation of wondering “Oh I hope they like it!” when I give someone something. But in these days of hyper consumerism, where landfills are filling, and the earth is warming at unprecedented rates maybe it would behoove us all to cut back on accumulating stuff.

Going back to the quote I started with. “Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting.”

Where do you sit with this? Are you an adamant gift giver? Have you too started cutting back on giving stuff to focus more on creating memories?

Maybe it’s not a matter of not giving gifts, but of being more selective when doing so to ensure they always hit the mark.